As a psychotherapist, I am a big proponent of using supplemental resources within and outside couples therapy sessions. So many wonderful resources exist that speak to the best practices of how we should and should not engage with our partners. The following examples are especially resonant and helpful for self-awareness, motivation, and inspiration:
Videos:
#5 Stan Tatkin: Tatkin talks about the bio-psycho-social parts of relationships and how they impact our togetherness. He’s written several books and is willing to be provocative, especially in his work with couples. In this TED talk, he discusses how we get tangled up in old patterns as well as the importance of procedural memory.
#4 Brene Brown: Brown is the expert on shame and vulnerability, and she discusses the importance of the latter in her now famous TED talk on vulnerability. I’m able to take away something new each time I watch. The concept of “selective numbing” is one that stands out to me at this time.
#3 Terry Real: Real expands on Pia Mellody’s Feedback Wheel, which I found to be an all-important tool for couples and therapists. Forgive this hokey local news version of his explanation because the content is practical. The storytelling element is essential in these “feedback” conversations.
#2 Alain de Botton: de Botton is an excellent philosopher and speaker who carefully includes humor and pathos. The phrase “generosity of interpretation” stays with me and one I try to integrate into partnership. He also did an episode of On Being and founded the School of Life, an excellent resource for videos on mental health and philosophy.
#1 David Schnarch: I like how much Schnarch covers in this video, including relationship phases, distinctions in love, differentiation, and more. I’d also recommend his books.
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